Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
