drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
