you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
