He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
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John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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