Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize