dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
