I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
