I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
