Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
