my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
