You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
