the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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