YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
