I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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