So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
