does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
