My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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