If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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