Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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