glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
