i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
