this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
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i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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