So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
