I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
