Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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