i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
