Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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