I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
