this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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