Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
