My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
