My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
