You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
two words: eviction party
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
