he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
