i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
