I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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