There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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