I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
