He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
