i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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