My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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