after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
