like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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