1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
