Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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