So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Holy sore nipples Batman
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
