This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
