I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
