I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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