He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
