So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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