so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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