We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
