she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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