trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
