You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
