I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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