seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
