eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
