btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
