i may or may not be watching the land before time
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
