So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
