oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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