I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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